Loneliness

I have good friends all around me, and for that I feel extremely lucky. And yet, I still feel alone. Why now?? I’ve done alright haven’t I, all this time? I don’t need anyone, and yet I think I do. I need to experience that feeling, that you are the most important person to someone else, and they are the same to you. To feel a closeness, intimacy, that friends just cannot provide. As I’ve got older, I find that I start to feel that it matters to me. That I’m empty in some way and there is something missing, like I’m not completely whole. And as much as I try to keep brushing it off, tell myself it doesn’t matter, it really does. I’m lonely, and I don’t want to be, I feel that I’m finally ready to change that part of my life, after putting it off for too long. I’ve been waiting for that person to come along without really trying very hard to look for them, and that was never really going to happen. I need to put myself out there, start being honest with both myself and the people I meet. I’ve tentatively dipped my toe in the water, told someone how I feel, and left the ball in their court. If its not to be, then I will keep trying, keep looking, and hoping. Because I deserve this as much as the next person, we all do. No-one should feel loneliness, of any kind. It hurts more than you think. And not just that, it eats away at you, grinding your mental wellbeing down little by little. It may not seem important, but it is, its part of our human make up. And why should I settle for what I think I should have, what is not right for me, but instead I will strive for find the best for me, what I deserve.