Weathering the Storm

I’m not very good with words, with saying how I feel. I’m probably not good at writing it down either, but it helps. Today is not great, so I thought I’d start with trying to work out why, or at least get out some of my muddled  thoughts and feelings. I’m working on finding my own coping mechanism, something that helps me get through.  Telling myself that one thing. It’s okay not to be okay.  I had a run of good days, when I found pleasure in the simple things, and I kept myself busy at work. And so my mood was at a good level. Then this morning, when it seems to have plummeted, for no particular reason. But does there have to be one every time? Sometimes it’s just the way it is, no explanation.  We’re all trying to weather the storm, hoping we’ll come out the other side. And we will, step by step.  For me, as with many others I’m sure, it’s sometimes about finding the small things that remind you of who you are and holding onto those, especially when times feel a bit rougher. And it may be those, as well as other things, that are what help you survive, to get through that bad day.  During these, it is important to remember to check in on yourself, if you feel able. To try and come out the other side. And for me, that is writing. Even as I’ve been typing, I can feel that the action of putting the words on a page has lessened a little of my anxiousness. It doesn’t always work, and it may come back as soon as I stop, but it’s a small step at weathering the storm that is raging within. It may not feel brave, or empowering, or easy, which it certainly isn’t,  but you will come out the other side. You just have to wait it out. The clouds will run out of rain, and the storm will begin to settle. And although it may take some time to undo the damage the storm has left in it’s wake, I know that I can.

Survival

Some days I can barely function

The need to hide underneath the duvet

Is stronger than anything else

I feel like crying all the time

Over something, but often nothing

Expectations are low

Self-doubt at an all-time high

I am not good enough

I wonder how I will get through

To find the other side

But I do

I write, the emotion splashing across the page

I read, lose myself in another  world

I walk, feel the air on my face

My friends, family

Their unfailing love

Building me back up, slowly

I will see another day

I can survive

This won’t define me.

(A poem written by me, to get through a dark day)