Have a little patience...

One thing at a time. Something I’m not very good at, with anything, making me tetchy and moody which is not a good combination. I have a severe lack of patience. I’d like to feel happier, at ease with situations but due to my impatience I just end up feeling more anxious. It’s not a great trait to have I know, but how do I change it? Maybe that’s why I get itchy feet with things, so wound up all the time, because I’m always trying to think too far ahead, to reach a better place whether literally or metaphorically. It’s also probably why I need to feel  busy all the time, I’m rubbish at doing nothing and I need to have a purpose. I proved that to myself just the other day when sitting with family who were working on something, but I didn’t have anything to keep me occupied and I ended up getting upset, seemingly over nothing. So I went for a walk, cleared my head and felt better for it. But its also not a realistic solution every time I feel overwhelmed. I’m always wishing for time to go quicker, for the end of a work day or week to come so I can do my own thing. Or if I have to wait for something, I try really hard to not let it show that I’m struggling, but its not always easy and makes me feel awful if I do, like I’m a very nice person.

I think that’s why I feel so unhappy sometimes, especially at work, because I just want things to be different and I can’t see when that would be. I’ve been having a struggle the last few days where I’ve felt overwhelmed with things, they weren’t difficult but I couldn’t see the answer straight away and I panicked and then let it get the better of me. I’m trying to accept that I don’t know everything and that if I ask, there are people that will be able to help me and often, things are not as bad as they seem.  My impatience to get things done will be my downfall if I don’t change something. I can’t keep looking too far ahead, worrying about what is to come, and control it all,  its too much. One step at a time, that’s what I need to tell myself. One thing at a time, before I can move on to something else. But don’t give up if it doesn’t happen straight away, I need to have more perseverance, patience and keep trying, I’ll get there in the end and it doesn’t matter how long it takes. And don’t be afraid to ask for help, however small and insignificant the problem may seem. I have a tendency to overthink and build things up in my head before it becomes too much and I break. Its okay not to be okay, to have a bad day or few days where you don’t feel yourself, but reach out and let others know that you are struggling, don’t try to always deal with things alone.

So how do I deal with my patience? I think its all linked. If I’m struggling, for whatever reason, I need to walk away, talk to someone else, take a deep breath and try again when I’ve managed to lessen some of my anxiousness. And taking things one day at a time. I only have one life, I don’t want to blink and miss it by always wishing for time to go quicker. See the small moments in each day, especially when it has been a struggle, and hang onto those. So tomorrow may not be great either but I’m not on my own and I can get through to the other side, there are hands holding onto mine all the way, if I let them.