Will Things Get Better?

Why does everything feel so hard? Again, I had a lovely week off last week and really made the most of it, spending time with family and friends, visiting new places and enjoying time by the sea. It was what I needed and I relaxed, forgot anything else. And then it’s back to work again, and the fog comes back down. Everything is as it was before, and I’m just as unhappy. And every little task seems unmanageable as I struggle to bring myself to do anything.  I have ideas about where I could look for other jobs, try and forge a new path for myself, but I can’t even do that when I feel like this. I want to curl up and cry, and my insides are like a coiled spring. I’m exhausted and I can’t seem to shake the feeling off. Only part of it is down to work, the rest of it is me, but I know the work thing isn’t helping. When I was away from it, I felt better. Or was it just masking things? I feel like I’ve failed, at becoming who I am, who I thought I should be, or just being able to get over this mountain that only seems to be getting bigger.   I can’t even pinpoint why I feel like this. Frustrated is a good way of putting it. That I can’t seem to do anything, even the simplest task. During the pandemic, I’d been working  from home, but 6 or so months on, this is still the case. And today, due to a problem with my PC in the office, which I was remoting into, I can’t do what I need to do, and suddenly to do anything feels like such a challenge, like I can’t cope.  It’s like I mentioned before, I don’t seem to do well when things aren’t as I think they should be, it all becomes too much to deal with. And I don’t know how to make things better. Its like being on a rollercoaster that you can’t get off.  One day you’ll enjoy the ride, and the next you are terrified. I have no idea what the next step is. I could find another job, and that could help, but I think the problem is bigger than that. I feel lost and scared. Will things ever feel like they are getting better? I hope so, I’m not sure how long I can continue feeling like this. As for today, I’m just going to have to try and do something, get through the day as best I can. At least it’s nearly the weekend.