Turning 40.....

 The confetti and glitter is finally settling after hitting my next decade, giving me a chance to really think about what it may bring, but also looking back to what I have or haven’t achieved. I’m 40 years old and its finally sinking in that I’m into another decade of my life. What does that mean? I’ve never been one of those people who necessarily worries about age, its just another number. But for some reason, this feels more than when I turned 30. When I think back over the last ten years quite a bit has changed, and for the better. But there still comes a moment when you think, is this it, can’t I do more?

I haven’t written for a while but that doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to. I’ve had my share of good and bad days, and I’m still struggling to find that balance. And there have been lots of lovely things going on and I need to celebrate that, and not just in the literal sense. When I have a bad day, I forget about things and having the chance to step back, take a good break, meant I could come back and although things haven’t changed, I could just get on with it, for the moment at least. I’m still no clearer about where I’m going, but I know I want to get there. And although I said that age doesn’t matter, and I do stand by that, hitting a significant age does make me think. Its all too easy to be negative and believe that I haven’t done enough with my life, done things that I should or could have done. But why does there have to be a limit on life? I may feel like a failure but I have to keep telling myself that I’m not, I’m just on a different path. I need to start believing in myself or no-one else will. Life isn’t about what you have or haven’t done but what you have IN your life. Family, being happy and friends are what is important, whatever stage of your life you may be at. And I’m lucky with what I have.

So maybe now I should think about taking the pressure off. Its not about achievement, or comparing yourself to what others have, which believe me is a hard habit to break. You’re not missing out, just finding your own way. I’m still searching for where that leads, but I’m not going to find it if I keep doubting myself, that I’m not good enough. In terms of work, I’m taking each day at a time doing the best job that I can, but not giving up on finding something that will suit me better. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve been where I am for the last 9 years and that its enabled me to buy a house, given me some stability. But there will always come a time when we feel that we can do more, or something different. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting that. Nor is there anything wrong not having a clear idea of what that next step may be. I just need to keep trying.

So I guess what I’m saying is, lets not put too much emphasis on a number. I’m no different today than I was before turning 40. I’m the same person with the same dreams and hopes, I just might take a bit longer to get there, and that’s okay. One step at a time. Its not doing my mental health any good by constantly thinking I’m doing something wrong, or that I’m not enough. And I’m not saying that I won’t still feel that way either, because I know I will, its just part of me. Slow progress is still progress, and if I fall down today, I will just stand up again tomorrow. Don’t they say life begins at 40??

 

Be the best version of yourself that you can be.

 

Do more of what makes you awesome.